Summertime Idea

Seeking Awards:
I have some ideas for some Awards for your children for the summer.
1. Kidsbowlfree.com this is a chance for them to bowl free 2 games every day
2. Go fishing (moms take a towel to hold the fish to help them take it off hook)
3. Afternoon play time in the hose/sprinkler
4. Trip to the zoo
5. Picnic at the park with the family
6. Trip to the lake/beach (whatever you might live close to)
7. New puzzle (and spend time putting it together)
8. Bake a cake
9. Neighborhood bike ride
10. Go to the drive in movie (if you have one close)
11. Go outside and catch fireflies
12. Take a blanket outside at night and watch start (beach, lake, dock, back yard)
I hope by these examples you can see the idea of awards. Basically awards are inexpensive ways of spending time with your children in a fun recreational way. These are ways of awarding them for good behavior and following their boundaries. Your children will work towards these awards once they get the idea of how they work. If you are giving your children awards that means they are doing exacely what they are suppose to be doing. Some people ask should I stop giving them if they are getting mostly awards. My answer is NOOOOOOOO.... why would you stop awarding them for following their rules/boundaries? They deserve it...and you deserve the special time with them that the awards are forcing you to spend with them. I say it this way because I experienced this my self... I saw that the awards were forcing me to have fun with my kids - they forced me to put down the dishes, clothes, computer and turn off the tv to spend time with them. I am so thankful for this and I hope they are also:-)
So, make your summer award list and reward them. You will not be able to see the growth and respect for the boundaries if you do not award them.

Tomorrow I will blog about some summer ideas for consequences!

"it is like a dream"

That phrase "it is like a dream".. is the text that I got yesterday from a parent that is new at implementing The Consequence System in their home. This is like music to my ears. You know when she said that to me, all I could think of was Scott, my husband. He is my biggest believer/cheerleader. I thought about this for a little longer, thinking why? why is he so sure of this System? It is not really like him to be pushy, and he has certainly been pushy for me to do this.... then it occured to me. Before Cassidy was born, when Kyle was in his most difficult years- I yelled a LOT.. he was always telling me to stop yelling. Now, he sees the change in me with the kids and actually with him. I can't remember the last time we fought. For this I would imagine, he is grateful and "sold" on this system! It changed our home completely. Until yesterday, I didn't realize that Parent in Peace led to a marriage in peace also. I thank God every day for how this has effected my family, now I will add in a special thank for my marriage also :-)) I have had so many people ask me can I write a consequence system for their husbands too.. well, you know what.. it isn't necessary. Get the boundaries in place, The Consequence System in place and stop the yelling.. and the rest will follow.
PEACE TO YOU!

This is my dog that passed last September on his 11th birthday.. he is who I think about when I try to obtain PEACE! He was the most peaceful all knowing creature I have ever seen. I miss you Ranger!

Boundaries + consistancy = RESULTS

I was at the skating rink today for a birthday party and was able to witness several parents with their children. What I saw the most was empty threats. Parents asking their children to do things or not do things and the kids absolutely ignoring them with NO consequences. One of the children that was there was a mom who is new using the consequence system. I was watching her while her mom was gone to the store for a bit. She had taken off her skates and was walking around in her socks-yuck. I told her to take them off and put her shoes on if she was done skating. She looked at me and said NO. I walked closer to her and told her if she can't listen she will get a consequence. So, she did listen but with MUCH attitude. Then she told me, her consequences were to easy anyways. HMMM.. so was she just trying to call my bluff or was she serious? It is important to challenge our kids when we are creating our consequences, be crystal clear with our boundaries and consistency!

If we aren't consistent then we lose

The most common questions:

Where do I start?

If I can only do one major change what should it be?

What is the most important aspect of parenting?

How do I get control back with my family?

How do I handle my teen?

How do I teach my toddler to stop throwing fits?

How do I teach my child to stop hitting? (besides you stop hitting them!)

How do I gain respect with my children? They have no respect for me.

I feel like I am always fighting with my children, how to I get them to listen?

They all have the same answer- CONSISTANCY

def: firmness of constitution or character : persistency

Ewww… none of us like that word. That word, consistancy, means we have to be reliable, accountable and responsible. Yes, we had children, we made that choice, now we must grow up and live up to our responsibility. Your children NEED your consistancy. How do you think they learn? If there is something you can’t stand about your child just look in the mirror because most likely they got it from you or your spouse. No lies- really. It is an ugly fact, but when my son started yelling when he was younger (before this system) I knew he learned it from me. Does he still yell.. ooh yes, it was taught to him– even though I have stopped yelling, he has no motivation to stop yet. We, of course, always correct him, and over time it happens less and less.. but it is a constant reminder of my mistakes. When he doesn’t clean up after himself, besides getting a consequence or allowance taken away, it is a constant reminder of where he learned that– his father! LOL.. really he did. We are very appreciative that we don’ t have the typical teen troubles with lying and disrespect. I am not saying that he is perfect.. ooh no by no means, but for the most part- he is a child who knows his boundaries and house rules and respects them. Does he ever try to cross them, OF COURSE- he is a teenager! But we are consistant with our reactions to his behaviors- he can count on how we will react. We will not yell, we will not spank, we will not give him a punishment and then take it away because it was to harsh. He will get a consequence appropriate for his behavior period. If he was late he will just get a consequence. If he drives off in his car while we are in a serious discussion (he is mad) when I told him not to, he will get his truck taken away. If he has attitude- a consequence. If he is caught skipping school- maybe 3 consequences. But like I said, he did get his car taken away recently for a period of time, but we are very very proud of our son and who he has become. Even when we took his truck away, he took the consequence with dignity and served his time away from it without arguement.

You might ask how did this happen, how did we essentially skip the horror teen troubles, teen tricks, teen trama? Well, this is just my opinion- and you know I will share it- I feel that we have kept him busy with sports, made him accountable for his actions with The Consequence System, kept an honest relationship with the safe space cup, and made him work for his money. While we did the above things we were consistant with our boundaries and expectations of him. It has not always been perfect and in the last year we have had some issues of me having a hard time letting him grow up and him trying to grow up to fast- but we worked through them with our system. We have always gotten compliments about Kyle’s behavior and now that we have Cassidy understanding the system we get it about both of them.

We just went to the Coast Guard recruiters office yesterday and I was so proud of him and I think the recruiter was very impressed also. The coast guard only takes a certain few each year and as long as he does well on the test he will be one of those select few- Go Kyle!!

OWN IT.. COMMIT TO IT

Ok parents, this message is for all of us, including me. We know if you want to see success you must commit to it. Well, the same goes for parenting our children. Like I said many times before, being a mom or dad is the easy part. Being a parent and sculpting our children to be the best that they can be is the hard part. We MUST commit to them, they need us to commit to them. So you say well, it is so much work to keep on top of them and make them do their chores. SO WHAT>> then it is so much work. Do it..Commit to them.. they are worth it.
You can not jump into working this system if you do not have your boundaries/rules set.. that is not fair to your children if they do not know their boundaries. The boundaries are for them as much as you. It will help you keep your consistancy with them. They must follow these rules all the time. You must inforce them all the time also. If a police officer sees someone doing something wrong, against the law wrong- do you think it is right that he would turn the cheek cause it wasn't convenient for him, or it caused him more work. I am sure this happens but it is not right. Children disrespecting other adults, police officers and teachers is epidemic BUT the demand for respect starts at home. It starts with you parents, please make the efforts for your children. Love them but don't neglect your responsibility. Parent them with love and you will find you are a parent in peace!

It is your choice..give them the tools... or NOT

Going back to why I wrote a book. I developed a system that I found worked wonderfully for my diverse busy situation. I had friends that would 'vent' about their situations, so I started to share it with them. My husband Scott pushed me to write this down to A cut down on my phone time explaining and B to extend the help to others outside of my friendship circle. So began my journey. Last week I shared Parent in Peace with a neighbor at her request. Her children are grown but she loves to read. When she came over to give it back to me, she said of course she loved it and that since she has read it she is noticing how ineffective parents are with their children. She went on to explain a particular incident at Sears. It was such an "ah-ha" moment for me because a woman who is done with her child years of parenthood could see how this can make a difference. It was very inspiring.

Then, Cassidy my daughter came home from school one day last week after being kicked at school several times by a boy in her class. She was so upset and rightly so..but the key thing here is he never got in trouble at school. I had a meeting at her school about this and that was my main question..WHY..Why does this boy think a physical action is a resolution. I know.. he is not taught at home or school how to handle these situations. Bullying is a very big problem around the country now and we as parents NEED to show our children that physical and mental bullying is not the way to be a friend.

Please understand being a mom or dad is the easy part, being a parent is where the sleeves need to be rolled up and the work begins. This hard work doesn't end until they move out of the house. I am not saying that you need to make all the decisions for your children and put them in a bubble. What we need to do as parents is give our children the tools to make the right decisions and to be an asset to their schools/community and this parents requires WORK. Ultimately it is your choice.. give them the tools or not?

A little cheating just means a little more work

YES, I am just a normal mom, with normal emotions..we are just human. Yes, there are times that I give a quick harsh word rather than let the system work for me. Yes there are times that I just don't feel like being strict and let a little attitude go...but it is important in the beginning that you stay strong until your boundaries are known. They (children) will test you or others at every angle possible. Yesterday I was at a friends house that I have been working with and her daughter was testing me.... I was busy helping her other daughter and instead of taking the time to deal with this situation, I called in her mom...this was not fair to the mom because she had to come in and deal with a situation that she wasn't involved in at all... I should have handled it because she was testing me not her mom... I failed. She will test me again, but I am sure I lost some ground with her last night.. sort of like 2 steps back...but a little more work and it will all be good. That is the good thing, it is sort of like a diet.. a little cheating just means a little more work. This is also a life style change..much like a diet is an life style change. HMMM.....