As the author of Parent In Peace, I am presented with many parenting topics. One question I am often asked is how to balance being a parent and friend. I tell my own children, I am your parent first, friend next. If you take this stand and stay a parent first, it is possible to be friends with your child. As long as your children stay within the rules and boundaries that are set for them, you can learn to be more than parents to your kids. With this said there really is more of a complicated pattern that I would like to explain.
Picture two strings with the beginning ends far apart- the middle running parallel sometimes crossing each other and then the right side the strings are moving apart again. This is how your relationship should go with your child. The beginning being parent only, the middle part is about balancing parent/friend and the latter part mostly friend with a small amount of parenting here and there. When our children are first born we are all parent and furthest from friends. We nurture their every need. When they move into toddler stages and you might hear them say something cute like, I do it. From this point on, the independence slowly increases. This is the middle part of the string, the balance between parent/friend. In middle school, they want you to drop them off around the corner, so no one can tell they have parents. In high school, half the time you want to drop them around the block, so no one can tell they are your children! (j/k Kyle J)
As they become teens they naturally start to wean away from you and this is where your parental role and friendship role need to be clearly defined. They want the independence, which is natural, but they also need your protection still. This is where your family rules and boundaries are ESSENTIAL to have in place. Let your system discipline for you; let the system keep them in their boundaries. At this age they will be hot to argue your parental system. I tell my kids, the system is an inanimate object that cannot be argued. Rules are rules follow them and everything is fine, don’t and suffer the consequences- your choice! The good news; when they hit early adult hood and move out is when you can truly become a friend to them. I am now in the stage of looking forward to this with my oldest! He just turned 18 and we have been weaning towards complete independence for a couple of years now. We have worked very hard at this because the last thing I want is for him to go away to college and fall flat on his face. He will hopefully be able to reflect on his experiences, rules and boundaries to know right from wrong. Am I blinded to think he will be perfect and not make mistakes? NOOOOO Way, but I have to hope that he will use his common sense, better judgment and his years of consequences. We used The Consequence System (www.parentinpeace.com) in our home for the last 9 years.
Now that we have established the ‘when’ lets look at how. What does being friends mean? If you have your boundaries set this should not be a difficult position to transition into. If you do not have any set boundaries and rules in your family, this parent/friendship situation is doomed. My book can help you establish these in your home, order at www.parentinpeace.com. It is a must for boundaries to be set and your children need to understand them so that your relationship with them can be enjoyable for both of you.
Some main points to remember
Show your child love, but do not smother them
Do not get too deep into their personal lives, friends, relationships
Remember, being a parent is more important- it is ok to say NO
They should remember you are their provider and should respect that
They need to follow their rules/boundaries and take consequences for misbehavior
Your must maintain a good role model for your child. They will be looking for advice and guidance from you. I have repeated this quote a million times; your best mirror is your child.
Children need rules, and even if you are their friend they need to understand that breaking the rules has its consequences because first and foremost, you are their mom or dad. To learn more about how to set your family rules/boundaries and The Consequence System visit my website at www.parentinpeace.com
Carrie Tappan
Parent in Peace LLC.
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BUY IT NOW!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Free Tips on your quest for Parenting in Peace
As the author of the book Parent in Peace I see many parents at 'war' with their children - constantly fighting over homework, chores, curfew, etc. The members of these households are frustrated, yelling parents; and fearful, crying, unhappy children. I say it is time to end this conflict? The solution is so simple. Make a commitment to parent in peace and claim a peaceful household. I have outlined a few tips to help you along your path to peace.
1. Reflect upon your childhood. Think about what you liked and did not like about your childhood experience Take a moment to jot down a few important times in your childhood. Now think of your children’s lives so far? What will they have to say about their childhood experiences so far?
Do you have unresolved issues with your parents over these feelings? Do you want to have these issues with your children?
2. Establish Boundaries and house rules. When you are establishing boundaries with your children, make sure they are appropriate for their age and worth the effort. Sometimes our children will ask us why can’t I go? I have caught myself not really knowing why I said no.. I just wanted to say no. When I evaluated my reasoning it seemed like I just needed to be controlling. Really?? Is this a real reason for a rule or boundary?
Sometimes a problem becomes a power struggle that the parent is unnecessarily determined to win. But, what value is winning if you destroy your relationship with your child? Ongoing conflict carries with it the risk of seriously damaging the parent-child relationship. And with ongoing conflict, there can be no peace. That is why The Consequence System works so beautifully. It helps the mom and dad become parents. It helps the parents establish rules and boundaries for their children to follow with clear consequences for misbehavior and awards for good behavior. Once this system is established, there is no misunderstanding.
3. Children are just that- children. Make sure to keep that in mind.. While we want to teach them responsibility, keep it age appropriate and let them be children. Their responsibilities and rules should be age appropriate. Conflicts arise when the parent tries to either be too controlling for a maturing child or to change the way a child thinks or behaves. Ask yourself, "Is this really a problem I should be focusing on at this time?" I cannot stress enough, it is really important to recognize that we all learn by experience.
4. Respect your children. Just as adults want and need respect, so do children. Respect your children by listening to them, accepting who they are, accepting their imperfections, allowing them to learn from mistakes. I give consequences for purposeful rule breaking, disrespect and boundary breaking. I do not give consequences for simple mistakes. I like to allow them to make decisions and have input about things that affect them (as age appropriate) and learn from these situations for their future. Remember our goal of parenting is to raise honest, self sufficient, responsible adults.
5. Sometimes "disobedience" can be a sign or strength or independence. If parenting were a simple as telling a child once, parents would not be needed. A child needs to be taught, and teaching and training takes time, patience and repetition. Your child is a work in progress, who will need guidance for many years. This is why The Consequence System works so wonderfully. When they cross the line they are given a consequence, but when they get it they are awarded. Children learn better from positive reinforcement than negative every time.
6. Our goal is not perfection, just peace. There are no perfect children, as there are no perfect parents. You must forgive yourself for the mistakes you make as a parent, and you must forgive your children. Do not harp on the actions of the past. I teach in my seminars to pack a bag each and every time there is a situation. After the situation is resolved, throw the bag away. Do not bring it up the next time there is a situation. Treat each situation separately because no one likes their past thrown up in their faces.
7. Follow your own house rules for yourself. We expect our children to tell the truth but then we tell white lies all day long with the excuse that we didn’t want to hurt those person’s feelings. This is not right; make this change for yourself also. Our clearest mirror of who we are is our child
8. Do everything that you do for your children with love. As a matter of fact, if you approach life this way also, not only will you find peace in your home, but in your life in general. Praise your children with kind loving words and attention, and tell them how much you love them.
This is where you will find peace.
Carrie Tappan
1. Reflect upon your childhood. Think about what you liked and did not like about your childhood experience Take a moment to jot down a few important times in your childhood. Now think of your children’s lives so far? What will they have to say about their childhood experiences so far?
Do you have unresolved issues with your parents over these feelings? Do you want to have these issues with your children?
2. Establish Boundaries and house rules. When you are establishing boundaries with your children, make sure they are appropriate for their age and worth the effort. Sometimes our children will ask us why can’t I go? I have caught myself not really knowing why I said no.. I just wanted to say no. When I evaluated my reasoning it seemed like I just needed to be controlling. Really?? Is this a real reason for a rule or boundary?
Sometimes a problem becomes a power struggle that the parent is unnecessarily determined to win. But, what value is winning if you destroy your relationship with your child? Ongoing conflict carries with it the risk of seriously damaging the parent-child relationship. And with ongoing conflict, there can be no peace. That is why The Consequence System works so beautifully. It helps the mom and dad become parents. It helps the parents establish rules and boundaries for their children to follow with clear consequences for misbehavior and awards for good behavior. Once this system is established, there is no misunderstanding.
3. Children are just that- children. Make sure to keep that in mind.. While we want to teach them responsibility, keep it age appropriate and let them be children. Their responsibilities and rules should be age appropriate. Conflicts arise when the parent tries to either be too controlling for a maturing child or to change the way a child thinks or behaves. Ask yourself, "Is this really a problem I should be focusing on at this time?" I cannot stress enough, it is really important to recognize that we all learn by experience.
4. Respect your children. Just as adults want and need respect, so do children. Respect your children by listening to them, accepting who they are, accepting their imperfections, allowing them to learn from mistakes. I give consequences for purposeful rule breaking, disrespect and boundary breaking. I do not give consequences for simple mistakes. I like to allow them to make decisions and have input about things that affect them (as age appropriate) and learn from these situations for their future. Remember our goal of parenting is to raise honest, self sufficient, responsible adults.
5. Sometimes "disobedience" can be a sign or strength or independence. If parenting were a simple as telling a child once, parents would not be needed. A child needs to be taught, and teaching and training takes time, patience and repetition. Your child is a work in progress, who will need guidance for many years. This is why The Consequence System works so wonderfully. When they cross the line they are given a consequence, but when they get it they are awarded. Children learn better from positive reinforcement than negative every time.
6. Our goal is not perfection, just peace. There are no perfect children, as there are no perfect parents. You must forgive yourself for the mistakes you make as a parent, and you must forgive your children. Do not harp on the actions of the past. I teach in my seminars to pack a bag each and every time there is a situation. After the situation is resolved, throw the bag away. Do not bring it up the next time there is a situation. Treat each situation separately because no one likes their past thrown up in their faces.
7. Follow your own house rules for yourself. We expect our children to tell the truth but then we tell white lies all day long with the excuse that we didn’t want to hurt those person’s feelings. This is not right; make this change for yourself also. Our clearest mirror of who we are is our child
8. Do everything that you do for your children with love. As a matter of fact, if you approach life this way also, not only will you find peace in your home, but in your life in general. Praise your children with kind loving words and attention, and tell them how much you love them.
This is where you will find peace.
Carrie Tappan
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Unraveling the reason
One of my parents that I am coaching to implement The consequence system had a situation that was causing problems in their home. Their daughter was throwing severe fits and has been since she was about 18 months old. These fits are mostly fits of uncontrollable anger or frustration. After talking to the mother we discovered that it only happens with her parents or at home. This doesn't happen at school (she is 8 yrs old) nor at friends homes. I have been to her house and witnessed this situation. I have witnessed her get upset and throw a fit because the computer is not fast enough, because she can't get something right, not good enough on the wii, etc. None of these things are logical to throw a fit about at the age of 8. So, I felt we really needed to think this through more and follow the pattern better. I am very familiar with manipulation :-) as I have a queen manipulator that lives in my house. So, to me, it was very apparent this was prime time manipulation sessions. What took a while to figure outis why? What was she wanting? What could be so important that she would continually do this action, knowing she would be in BIG trouble for this behavior? embaressing herself in front of company or friends?
I asked the mom, what do you do after she gets in trouble. That is where we figured it out! She usually goes in her room (if company is over or not) and sits on the bed and talks with her about NOT doing this again. That was what she was wanting-- mom or dad talking/hang out time. One thing I noted, her parents spend TONS of time with her. She is an only child and gets a lot of play time with her parents. What she was desiring was the one on one individual attention of a relationship-not playing a game, not doing homework, not watching TV, but just talking. We came up with a plan that a few times a week, one of the parents would take the time to just sit and talk with her after school and see what happens. For the most part this should take care of this behavior but it had also become a habit and keeping the behavior correction using the consequence/award system was crutial.
It has been a week since this slight addition to the consequence system has been implemented and things in their household are doing well. At this point it seems a bit early to call a victory because she doesn't throw these fits every day. I will keep her progress posted.
Her parents were at their whits end..in her parents opinion, yelling and spanking her seemed to be the only thing that made the fits stop. This was heartbreaking to the parents because it was not something they wanted to do. They did not believe in this but they had tried so many other things- with no improvements. After her discipline, her mom/dad would go in her room remorseful of the yelling or spanking and their daughter felt that emotion from her mom/dad. In a strange way, this brought them close, which made her daughter feel that relationship feeling she was desiring from her parents. I talk about this in my book and how ineffective this in because now the parent is wrong and the child completely looses their their lesson on what they did wrong. These simple changes make us better parents and give us the PEACE we need in our homes. Imagine a world with parents that are in control of our children and our homes- with boundaries and rules that help our children become better adults. That is my goal- and I hope yours also... how can you help?
SHARE THIS WITH A FRIEND.
MAKE PARENT IN PEACE A MOVEMENT!
It has been a long time since I added to this blog. I have been busy working on a new addition to the parent in peace line. I have been writing a workbook and planning on a DVD collection to bring the coaching live to your home. I am very excited for this addition to make more tools available to you- as parents. I am desiging shirts and other products that will help get the word out to all parents.
I asked the mom, what do you do after she gets in trouble. That is where we figured it out! She usually goes in her room (if company is over or not) and sits on the bed and talks with her about NOT doing this again. That was what she was wanting-- mom or dad talking/hang out time. One thing I noted, her parents spend TONS of time with her. She is an only child and gets a lot of play time with her parents. What she was desiring was the one on one individual attention of a relationship-not playing a game, not doing homework, not watching TV, but just talking. We came up with a plan that a few times a week, one of the parents would take the time to just sit and talk with her after school and see what happens. For the most part this should take care of this behavior but it had also become a habit and keeping the behavior correction using the consequence/award system was crutial.
It has been a week since this slight addition to the consequence system has been implemented and things in their household are doing well. At this point it seems a bit early to call a victory because she doesn't throw these fits every day. I will keep her progress posted.
Her parents were at their whits end..in her parents opinion, yelling and spanking her seemed to be the only thing that made the fits stop. This was heartbreaking to the parents because it was not something they wanted to do. They did not believe in this but they had tried so many other things- with no improvements. After her discipline, her mom/dad would go in her room remorseful of the yelling or spanking and their daughter felt that emotion from her mom/dad. In a strange way, this brought them close, which made her daughter feel that relationship feeling she was desiring from her parents. I talk about this in my book and how ineffective this in because now the parent is wrong and the child completely looses their their lesson on what they did wrong. These simple changes make us better parents and give us the PEACE we need in our homes. Imagine a world with parents that are in control of our children and our homes- with boundaries and rules that help our children become better adults. That is my goal- and I hope yours also... how can you help?
SHARE THIS WITH A FRIEND.
MAKE PARENT IN PEACE A MOVEMENT!
It has been a long time since I added to this blog. I have been busy working on a new addition to the parent in peace line. I have been writing a workbook and planning on a DVD collection to bring the coaching live to your home. I am very excited for this addition to make more tools available to you- as parents. I am desiging shirts and other products that will help get the word out to all parents.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Avoiding an action because of the REACTION
I was told my someone who edited my book to never start a sentence with-- Ok, I must confess.... He said it gives your readers a lack of confidence in you. I see his point but really.. we are all parents here and trying to raise our children. So, here goes...
OK, I MUST CONFESS>>>>
I have been having more attitude from my 9 yr old daughter than normal. Now, she is a very good girl. However, for her norm, she was acting out a bit. I was really feeling like I was missing something. Was something going on with her.. she did have a hard time in school with some bullies. But, wait, it is summer time and she is still having attitude. Then it hit me.. I was not consistantly giving her consequences. WHY??? Well, she is my cryer, if you remember from my book... she had worked out a little system where she started crying hysterically when she got a consequence saying repetedly.. I'm so so sorry. Well, being the tough nut I am, she did get that consequence.. but it trained me to start to ignore some things because my mind did not want to deal with this crying. This is nothing I planned to do, it just happened. I just realized this!
So, what does one do to fix this behavior on my part and hers? What does one do to undo this pattern? I don't want to feel like I need to avoid giving a consequence because I am afraid of her reaction.. I never planned to do that. It was like a reflex..possible old habits? I don't know but my goal is to undo this...
So, my plan is- I am calling a safe space meeting tonight. I am going to go over The Consequence System again and holding a mock session to show her how this will go...what is acceptable and not accceptable behavior. I will include Kyle in this meeting- not that he needs to see that but he is part of our family. I will explain to her that she can cry, but she needs to go to her room to cry and then she can come out and get her consequence. She likes to serve her consequence right away if possible, so she can do it then. While we are in this meeting we will be going over summer chores and summer rules etc. I don't know about you, but my house is much messier in the summer- so I will also be adding some consequences :-))
So, my ending thought for today is that parenting is an ever evolving process.. we must be like camelions...change to our environment, shed old skin that is no longer necessary, grow new tails when needed, etc..
Don't keep this to yourself....Make it a movement- pass this on:
PARENT IN PEACE
OK, I MUST CONFESS>>>>
I have been having more attitude from my 9 yr old daughter than normal. Now, she is a very good girl. However, for her norm, she was acting out a bit. I was really feeling like I was missing something. Was something going on with her.. she did have a hard time in school with some bullies. But, wait, it is summer time and she is still having attitude. Then it hit me.. I was not consistantly giving her consequences. WHY??? Well, she is my cryer, if you remember from my book... she had worked out a little system where she started crying hysterically when she got a consequence saying repetedly.. I'm so so sorry. Well, being the tough nut I am, she did get that consequence.. but it trained me to start to ignore some things because my mind did not want to deal with this crying. This is nothing I planned to do, it just happened. I just realized this!
So, what does one do to fix this behavior on my part and hers? What does one do to undo this pattern? I don't want to feel like I need to avoid giving a consequence because I am afraid of her reaction.. I never planned to do that. It was like a reflex..possible old habits? I don't know but my goal is to undo this...
So, my plan is- I am calling a safe space meeting tonight. I am going to go over The Consequence System again and holding a mock session to show her how this will go...what is acceptable and not accceptable behavior. I will include Kyle in this meeting- not that he needs to see that but he is part of our family. I will explain to her that she can cry, but she needs to go to her room to cry and then she can come out and get her consequence. She likes to serve her consequence right away if possible, so she can do it then. While we are in this meeting we will be going over summer chores and summer rules etc. I don't know about you, but my house is much messier in the summer- so I will also be adding some consequences :-))
So, my ending thought for today is that parenting is an ever evolving process.. we must be like camelions...change to our environment, shed old skin that is no longer necessary, grow new tails when needed, etc..
Don't keep this to yourself....Make it a movement- pass this on:
PARENT IN PEACE
Monday, June 21, 2010
Don't judge too fast
Well, Fathers Day we Scott wanted to go out to breakfast. So, we got dressed and headed out to one of our favorite spots in our area. We sat down and ordered and then a couple sat next to us with 2 younger kids (about 3 and 6) and a TV. Yes, they actually brought their TV to eat with them. My first opinion was that the TV was so they could talk and this would keep their kids busy. It was a very easy assumption...didn't have to get a degree for that one! Their drinks were not served yet and click.. on goes the TV...Cassidy was thrilled it was Alvin and the Chipmunks! So, there we go, three kids watching this little TV. We ordered, they ordered, we got our drinks, they got their drinks.... OOPS, the little girl spills the drink. Guess, where it goes, YEP in DADs lap and towards the TV. I was so proud of this father, he just wiped it up nice and calmly- spoke to her about being more careful with her arms etc... No yelling,no frustration. HMM maybe I judged this couple too fast.
So, we get our food and I look over and notice that both parents are interacting with their kids - playing games and talking (while mine was still watching THEIR TV while she was eating) I wanted to tell them that NOT bringing the TV was ok, because they didn't need it. THey were doing a fine job themselves. (but I was chicken) I would imagine it was a fight they didn't want to fight, so they gave in and brought it in the restaurant.
While my first impression of these parents were not great.. they really turned out to be incredible active parents! Good Job Mom and Dad! and I am so sorry for my hasty judgements.
So, we get our food and I look over and notice that both parents are interacting with their kids - playing games and talking (while mine was still watching THEIR TV while she was eating) I wanted to tell them that NOT bringing the TV was ok, because they didn't need it. THey were doing a fine job themselves. (but I was chicken) I would imagine it was a fight they didn't want to fight, so they gave in and brought it in the restaurant.
While my first impression of these parents were not great.. they really turned out to be incredible active parents! Good Job Mom and Dad! and I am so sorry for my hasty judgements.
Monday, June 7, 2010
THIS MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT
I HAVE OMITTED NAMES FOR PRIVACY.. BUT THIS EMAIL I RECEIVED MAKES ME SO HAPPY..ESPECIALLY CAUSE THE CHILD THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT IS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE'S SON AND HE REALLY IS AWESOME
:-))
SCOTT,CARRIE,KYLE AND CASSIDY
I can't thank you enough for writing this book. MY HUSBAND and I honestly think we have tried every discipline strategy out there with no luck. OUR SON has started to get some consequences and is handling it pretty well. I think he feels more in control of getting in trouble or not, and with the ADHD that is important for him. For me the screaming is definitely stopping, but every once in a while I will find my self arguing with him which is another ADHD trait. MY HUSBAND is also doing well; I do have to remind him to let the system work for him. OUR SON loves the awards, I think the reason they did not work in the past is because he would get rewarded but it was hard to follow through with busy schd’s. I think parents make mistakes when they award their kids with big, expensive or extravagant things, then they don’t or can’t follow through. I have done that in the past myself. HE is much happier playing a family game night than anything I could buy for him. The awards that I give him now are easy to do and he loves them. Our house feels more calm and relaxed. My Mother has also noticed the change and has seen us struggle with him for a long time. She thanks you also. My sister works with children that have behavioral issues. I am sending her a copy of your book she would like to read it and would possibly recommend to the parents. OMG you made our SON awesome!!!!!!. Actually he was already Awesome you just helped us be able to see it a lot more often.
LETTERS LIKE THIS MAKE ME SO HAPPY BECAUSE OUR KIDS DESERVE THIS, AND WE DESERVE PEACE AS PARENTS. OUR KIDS ARE AWESOME, IT IS JUST THAT WE HAVE TO DUST A LITTLE DUST OFF AND PUT UP OUR BOUNDARIES SO THEY CAN FOLLOW THEM!
:-))
SCOTT,CARRIE,KYLE AND CASSIDY
I can't thank you enough for writing this book. MY HUSBAND and I honestly think we have tried every discipline strategy out there with no luck. OUR SON has started to get some consequences and is handling it pretty well. I think he feels more in control of getting in trouble or not, and with the ADHD that is important for him. For me the screaming is definitely stopping, but every once in a while I will find my self arguing with him which is another ADHD trait. MY HUSBAND is also doing well; I do have to remind him to let the system work for him. OUR SON loves the awards, I think the reason they did not work in the past is because he would get rewarded but it was hard to follow through with busy schd’s. I think parents make mistakes when they award their kids with big, expensive or extravagant things, then they don’t or can’t follow through. I have done that in the past myself. HE is much happier playing a family game night than anything I could buy for him. The awards that I give him now are easy to do and he loves them. Our house feels more calm and relaxed. My Mother has also noticed the change and has seen us struggle with him for a long time. She thanks you also. My sister works with children that have behavioral issues. I am sending her a copy of your book she would like to read it and would possibly recommend to the parents. OMG you made our SON awesome!!!!!!. Actually he was already Awesome you just helped us be able to see it a lot more often.
LETTERS LIKE THIS MAKE ME SO HAPPY BECAUSE OUR KIDS DESERVE THIS, AND WE DESERVE PEACE AS PARENTS. OUR KIDS ARE AWESOME, IT IS JUST THAT WE HAVE TO DUST A LITTLE DUST OFF AND PUT UP OUR BOUNDARIES SO THEY CAN FOLLOW THEM!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Just Breathe!
Sometimes I see parents get so stressed about starting this system that they don't start it in fear of failure. It is like any life style change it takes one step at a time to find success. If we just sit back knowing what we need to do but fail to do it then we really do fail. Raising children, disciplining children, nurturing children, guiding children...these are all steps of parenting..we do them every day without a plan. How many business ventures, adventures or trips would you take without a plan? Hopefully NONE! So stop parenting without a plan.
This system is set up so that you are only the moderator of a game. If you follow the rules, the system will work for you. If you deviate from the rules, then you have now become the rule maker/breaker and your child will see that and they will then have someone to argue the rules with... remember using the system takes out all the emotion of disciplining. Remember, you are not giving them a punishment, they are taking it by going outside of their boundaries... it is their choice! This again relates to life. One day down the road, if your child gives a friend a ride home from school and unknowingly he happens to have some drugs on him and then your child happens to get pulled over for say running a stop sign, and the police gets suspicious because the friend looks nervous and searches the car...guess what....your child will suffer the consequences for a bad choice (in friends) . We must teach our children how to think about their consequences at a young age so that they can have some practice for the real world when they get older. Now, I know that was extreme, but it can be that innocent yet devistating.
You see how this coorelates with real life?
SO TOGETHER LETS MAKE THIS A MOVEMENT
TEACH YOUR FRIENDS TO PARENT IN PEACE (RECOMMEND THE BOOK )
AND SEE A GENERATIONAL CHANGE IN OUR CHILDREN.. THEY ARE WORTH IT!
This system is set up so that you are only the moderator of a game. If you follow the rules, the system will work for you. If you deviate from the rules, then you have now become the rule maker/breaker and your child will see that and they will then have someone to argue the rules with... remember using the system takes out all the emotion of disciplining. Remember, you are not giving them a punishment, they are taking it by going outside of their boundaries... it is their choice! This again relates to life. One day down the road, if your child gives a friend a ride home from school and unknowingly he happens to have some drugs on him and then your child happens to get pulled over for say running a stop sign, and the police gets suspicious because the friend looks nervous and searches the car...guess what....your child will suffer the consequences for a bad choice (in friends) . We must teach our children how to think about their consequences at a young age so that they can have some practice for the real world when they get older. Now, I know that was extreme, but it can be that innocent yet devistating.
You see how this coorelates with real life?
SO TOGETHER LETS MAKE THIS A MOVEMENT
TEACH YOUR FRIENDS TO PARENT IN PEACE (RECOMMEND THE BOOK )
AND SEE A GENERATIONAL CHANGE IN OUR CHILDREN.. THEY ARE WORTH IT!
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